


Midnight Train Going Anywhere

by mickeylover303



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-08
Updated: 2010-10-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:40:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23454922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mickeylover303/pseuds/mickeylover303
Summary: A collection of beginnings, ends, and those not so definable moments in between that don't have to mean anything at all. AU. NarutoSasuke. Companion piece to Orbital Period.
Relationships: Uchiha Itachi & Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Kudos: 12





	Midnight Train Going Anywhere

Sasuke is four when they move from Sapporo to Kanagawa, and Itachi remembers the significant awe in his little brother’s eyes when Sasuke sees their new home. Sharp lines and steep curves enclosing a white and almost barren exterior make the house protrude from the backdrop of the residential ward. It’s a quaint little place, with a contemporary yet spacious design gradually becoming popular in the more urban areas of Japan. Located in Naka District, it’s comparatively smaller but less secluded than the more affluent Western style house where Itachi has spent his formative years.

Their father works in the field of information technology, and the main branch of his company reassigns him to Tokyo on short notice to aid in the expansion of one of their smaller sister companies. He arranges to commute to Tokyo from Ninomiya as a compromise with their mother, who forfeits a deteriorating career in law in favour of keeping the family together. She agrees to stay at home and maintain a tidy house with a defeated smile on her face that’s been present since she gave birth to Sasuke.

They make the move after the first term of school ends, during the brief summer respite a few days before Itachi turns nine. Itachi comes home from the park with his mother and Sasuke to find his room nearly emptied. With the exception of the small bag he’s allowed to carry with him, the furniture and boxes stacked neatly against the wall earlier are missing, and his room amasses to nothing more than an unfilled space.

When Sasuke discovers his room empty, he cries and tells Itachi his room is gone. Itachi explains to Sasuke his room is waiting for him in Kanagawa, where their new home is, but Sasuke doesn’t listen and continues to cry until Itachi says Sasuke can ride the train on the way. He sniffs and nods, attempting to hide a diminutive smile as he cleans his face with the back of his arm.

Sasuke grabs Itachi’s hand when they reach the station. He eagerly pulls Itachi down the aisle of the car and hops on a seat next to the window. Still a few years too young to be able to reach the floor, Sasuke’s legs dangle over the edge of the chair. He gazes at the scenery outside, in rapture of the blotches of green and blue Itachi catches with every other idle glance, and ten minutes into the ride, Sasuke is soothed into sleep.

During the transition from the train station to the airport, Sasuke is quiet but begins to cry again once the plane takes off from the runway, much to the dismay of their father, who openly laments missing Itachi’s more reasonable behaviour at Sasuke’s age. A page of the newspaper in his hand is turned with a flick of his wrist. The movement is brisk and makes a transitory cut through the sound of Sasuke crying. Their mother sits next to their father across from them and silently implores Itachi to calm Sasuke.

His mouth set in a tight line, Itachi takes out the book he places in his bag to keep himself preoccupied during the flight. It’s the second volume of a lesser known manga series, a gift from Shisui, his cousin and the best friend he’s leaving behind. Itachi buys the first volume on a whim. He finds it while browsing through a second-hand bookstore in the midst of closing down, a simple story about a boy who finds the egg of a dragon in his backyard.

Sasuke stops crying when he sees the cover of the book similar to the one Itachi has read to him before. He asks if he can read with Itachi, regarding Itachi with a tentative interest that replaces his initial discomfort.

Itachi reads the manga no more than twice, and Sasuke hangs off Itachi like an added appendage until they land in Kanagawa, refusing to let go of Itachi’s shirt even as he excitedly points to the clouds outside the plane’s window reminiscent of the clouds in the book. For the remainder of the flight, an inquisitive Sasuke peers over his brother’s arm and follows Itachi’s soft spoken words. He attempts to match the sounds Itachi says with the characters he doesn’t yet recognise, and the red and puffy eyes are overshadowed by the content smile he gives when Itachi licks his thumb and wipes away the dried tears on Sasuke’s face. 

...

As a child, Sasuke isn’t as precocious as his brother, but he attempts to define his perception of his surroundings, as he thinks children are supposed to, all the same.

His understanding of the world is dependent upon the people in his life. He divides this into two parts: the people he knows and the people he doesn’t know. He places his family and friends in the first group and categorises everyone else as strangers in the second.

When Sasuke is four, his room is waiting for him in their new home like his brother says, but Sasuke finds his room isn’t the same as when he last sees it. The walls are a different colour. His bed isn’t next to the window. The light switch is almost too high for Sasuke to reach. It’s not the room Sasuke leaves at their old home.

Sasuke tries to make Itachi understand why the room isn’t the same, but Itachi helps him make sure everything is there, so Sasuke decides moving away from Sapporo is the same as being left behind in Kanagawa since his brother, mother, and father are now the only people he knows.

At the age of eight, his perception of the world continues to taper. He overhears two of his teachers discussing a car accident and the name Uchiha and rushes home to find Itachi sitting in their father’s chair. The only light in the living room comes from the dim lamp on the table, and Sasuke hesitates before turning on the fixture suspended from the ceiling.

Itachi doesn’t say anything about Sasuke forgetting to take off his shoes as Sasuke enters. He doesn’t move when Sasuke mentions what he hears his teachers say. Dropping his blue and yellow backpack on the floor, Sasuke takes careful steps towards his brother.

He tries to be quiet. His parents tell him he’s supposed to walk in the house, except Sasuke’s feet keep making too much noise. The floor creaks beneath him. He can hear himself breathing. Everything sounds too loud.

Itachi raises his head and gives Sasuke a smile, but the smile doesn’t look right on Itachi’s face. It makes him look like someone else, someone Sasuke doesn’t know, and Sasuke runs the remaining distance to Itachi and throws himself in his brother’s lap.

...

Sasuke is notorious for tantrums. Unlike Itachi, he’s a straightforward child who demands affection. His face is often scrunched with a pointed look whenever Sasuke is disagreeable but typically retracted when he’s the sole recipient of Itachi’s attention. However, the last fit Itachi bears witness to isn’t as easily placated.

Itachi’s thirteen the day their parents are killed in a car accident. He’s released from school before noon and the stares and whispers of his peers supplement a mounting trepidation as he leaves the classroom.

In the hall Itachi is met with Hatake Kakashi. A friend of an uncle who passes away before Itachi is born, Itachi recalls Kakashi by name only. He’s a man in his mid-twenties, with prematurely grey hair and a thin scar vertically aligned across the centre of his left eye Itachi doesn’t inquire to know about. When he relays the death of Itachi’s parents, Kakashi becomes the closest semblance to a relative in Kanagawa and the only member of their family willing to care for both Itachi and Sasuke.

Kakashi drives Itachi to the house, and Itachi prepares to leave the place he calls home. Pliant in his father’s chair, Itachi waits in the living room for Sasuke to return from school, startled when the front door opens and a shaking Sasuke jumps on top of him.

Sasuke clutches Itachi’s shirt, but Itachi’s murmured reassurances fail to calm Sasuke, so Itachi holds him, seeking comfort in the arms too small to console him and refuge in the chair that envelopes them until Sasuke cries himself to sleep.

Carrying the bags Itachi packs with a few of his and Sasuke’s belongings, Kakashi walks into the room. He observes them with a lackadaisical air that doesn’t conceal the concern Itachi can read on his face.

Kakashi asks if Itachi is ready to leave, offers to carry Sasuke when Itachi stands and almost stumbles. Although Sasuke isn’t heavy, the loss of their parents gradually begins to seep in, and Itachi responds by steadying his brother in his arms. He follows Kakashi to the car parked outside, nods when Kakashi opens the door for him, and places Sasuke in the centre of the backseat.

Grateful Sasuke doesn’t wake when he shuts the door, Itachi buckles his seatbelt, sighing when Sasuke leans against him and makes the instinctive reach for Itachi’s arm. His brother clings to him with the desperation of the child he is, the desperation Itachi feels alarmingly close to revealing, and as Kakashi starts the car, Itachi allows himself to be lulled by the low hum of Sasuke’s snoring.

...

When Sasuke is eight, he demotes his parents as well as the family he no longer sees. He redefines his perception of the world and further restricts the groups he conceives into Itachi and the people he doesn’t know. He has his brother and decides everyone else is a stranger.

When Sasuke’s almost nine, he’s compelled to rethink his restrictions when the boy sitting next to him in class follows him home from school. It’s his third week in a new school, but Sasuke doesn’t take the time to remember his name. He only knows him as the boy with blond hair and the marks that look like scratches on his cheeks who likes to chase the other kids around the playground. Sometimes, he tries to get Sasuke to play, too but eventually leaves like Sasuke expects him to because he gets tired of waiting for Sasuke to say something.

Sasuke stops when the boy runs in front of him on the sidewalk, blocking Sasuke’s way home. Sasuke moves to go around, but the boy follows Sasuke’s movement, giving Sasuke a wide grin that makes the marks on his face slide upwards. He says he’s making it his mission to get Sasuke to talk because kids their age who don’t talk are weird even if Sasuke’s shy because he’s new.

Sasuke tries to get past him again, and the boy’s smile starts to waver. He huffs and tells Sasuke to stop ignoring him because he doesn’t have parents like Sasuke, and Iruka says that makes the two of them special.

Satisfied when Sasuke stays still, the boy spits into the hand he holds out for Sasuke to take. Sasuke doesn’t move, but the boy grabs Sasuke’s right hand and says he’s shaking on a promise that means he’s not going to leave Sasuke alone until he can get Sasuke to talk. 

Later, as he sits down to eat dinner with his brother, Sasuke stares at his palm. Itachi tells him to wash his hands, but Sasuke only washes one and searches for traces of the dried spit on the other.

He calls for his brother, tells him he can’t figure out where to put the boy who says he’s the same as Sasuke, and Itachi drops his chopsticks at the sound of Sasuke’s voice. The chopsticks clank when they hit the ceramic bowl and clatter when they fall off the table and onto the floor.

Itachi cautiously whispers Sasuke’s name. He pushes back the bangs from Sasuke’s forehead, and Sasuke blinks, frowning when he licks his thumb and tries to wipe the shadows beneath Itachi’s eyes that won’t come off.

...

When they move from their home in Ninomiya to Kakashi’s apartment in Odawara, the role of their parents is succeeded by a frequently absentee guardian, but Itachi resolves to fill the fracture with his own sense of responsibility. He learns to cope albeit partially, engrosses himself in his studies when he transfers to the high school where Kakashi teaches because Sasuke has yet to adjust.

Kakashi arranges for them a room with separate beds, but Sasuke curls beside Itachi in the middle of the night. He stops eating the next morning, and Itachi tallies the hours of the seemingly indefinite silence that follows and accounts for the three weeks Sasuke doesn’t speak because it’s the most Itachi can do to pass the time.

It takes four days of continuous coaxing for Sasuke to begin voluntarily putting food in his mouth, but it takes a phone number on a scrap of orange construction paper, hastily scribbled below large characters reading the name Uzumaki Naruto, until Itachi hears his brother’s voice again.

Nine years later, a fear begins to manifest inside Itachi when he realises the family he attempts to reconstruct for Sasuke isn’t enough.

...

By the time Sasuke enters junior high, childhood is something of a distant memory. It becomes vague with the introduction of adolescence, begins to fade into obscurity with the inevitable inception of adulthood, and the leap from eight to fourteen is astounding. 

Kanagawa somehow retains its novelty, but there are pieces of Sapporo Sasuke still struggles with despite his conscious efforts to forget.

His accent from Hokkaido becomes more pronounced while his voice changes from what his brother deems a nasally whine to a more bearable tenor. It makes Sasuke stand out to anyone actively looking for it, anyone specifically meaning Naruto, who constantly teases Sasuke for the nuances in his speech and the hairstyle Sasuke can’t do anything about except kick Naruto for the former and punch him for the latter.

He’s known Naruto for six years, but source of the commonality that brings them together isn’t enough to repel the drive to push Naruto away.

The days of walking home from school with Naruto become fewer and further in between. Sasuke initiates more arguments with Naruto because it’s easier to remember the times when they don’t get along rather than the long conversations he can still hold with Naruto whenever Naruto’s not being annoying. He talks to Naruto when no one’s around to hold him accountable for it, hangs out with Naruto after school when they’re not fighting, but Sasuke stops visiting Naruto, and Naruto doesn’t come over like he used to. The last time Naruto stays at Sasuke’s house is when they’re partnered for a biology project.

The summer Itachi graduates from college, he buys a new house with the return on the investments he’s made in stocks from money their parents set aside. They still live in Odawara but move out of Kakashi’s apartment into a place they can call their own.

Naruto offers to help them move that weekend, and Itachi invites Naruto to spend the night because Naruto’s excited that Sasuke’s new house is closer to his apartment. But Sasuke thinks it’s too close. His relationship with Naruto is beginning to fringe upon his relationship with his brother, and Sasuke is beginning to know more about Naruto than he wants to.

So it only makes sense when Naruto carries a box into Sasuke’s room and sees the cell phone on the bed that Sasuke snatches it before Naruto can pick it up. When Sasuke refuses to let Naruto see the phone, and Naruto gets upset because he didn’t know Sasuke had a cell phone and just wants to exchange numbers, Sasuke does the right thing in not saying he already has Naruto’s number on speed dial, third only to Itachi and Kakashi.

When Naruto shouts and pushes Sasuke, Sasuke yells and pushes back, and it isn’t until Itachi comes in the room that Sasuke and Naruto are pulled apart.

...

The seed of an epiphany is planted when Sasuke comes home from school with traces of dried spit on his palm, and Itachi sees his brother smile for the first time in three weeks. It thrives on construction paper and plastic scissors, swings and sandboxes, sleepovers and making rice balls in the kitchen, late night conversations on the phone and shared rides on railways, festivals and movie theatres, verbal bruises and physical dissents.

...

Sasuke drags his cigarette slowly, basking in the smell of tobacco mingling with the sickeningly fruity scent of Karin’s cheap perfume that gives him a headache. 

He doesn’t smoke often but makes a practice of doing it after sex or sometimes when he’s stressed. It’s not so much that Itachi would get suspicious. He limits himself to no more than a pack a month because it’s not quite an addiction even if he’s averse to quitting anytime soon. An act of rebellion he has no need for, Sasuke picks up the habit at thirteen, when he first meets Suigetsu, the white-haired kid across the street who moved to Kanagawa four years ago. 

They meet their first day in junior high, but Sasuke doesn’t really notice him until Suigetsu appoints himself as Sasuke’s shadow without Sasuke’s permission. Sasuke doesn’t care for the attention, although he doesn’t completely disregard it, either. However, the situation lends itself to opportunity, and Sasuke finds himself drawing closer to Suigetsu when he and Naruto begin to drift apart.

Overall, Sasuke’s limited circle of friends doesn’t reach far beyond his classmates. Suigetsu is one of few people Sasuke bothers to keep in touch with outside of school and one of a handful who don’t overlap with the mutual friends he shares with Naruto.

Alongside Suigetsu, Karin manages to fit herself in the middle, a twist of fate Sasuke credits to their older brothers being friends. But despite both attending a high school different from Sasuke’s, the three of them spend too many afternoons to count lounging around whoever’s house is convenient at the time.

They’re at Karin’s house today since her parents are out, and Sasuke exhales the smoke from his mouth when Suigetsu nudges him on the shoulder. He gives Sasuke a toothy grin at Karin’s mention of the library incident last week. Sasuke rolls his eyes and turns up the volume of the TV. He doesn’t know how Karin knows, doesn’t want to know how information about the kiss spread outside the school. He surmises Sakura is somehow involved because he remembers seeing Sakura and Karin passing notes in class when they were younger, the foundation of an odd friendship that clashes more than the sight of the two of them standing next to each other. 

Suigetsu nudges Sasuke again and makes a lewd comment about having to re-evaluate their relationship as friends with benefits, but the comment doesn’t inspire from Karin the physical or verbal backlash Sasuke normally expects. A staid expression on her face, Karin straightens her glasses and asks if Sasuke really kissed Naruto. If she has to ask, she’s already answered her own question so Sasuke concentrates on the detective drama they’re supposed to be watching instead of humouring her.

Thoughts of what happened last week aren’t the thoughts Sasuke wants lodged in the back of his mind. He’s done his best to push away the susceptibility he’d felt then because his world is thrown off kilter in that clichéd moment in the library when Naruto kisses him. It’s an amazingly intrusive act Sasuke actually reciprocates, only to sit there dumbly when Naruto removes himself from Sasuke’s lap and hurries into the hallway after Kiba. Shirt disarray and his mouth wide open like an idiot, Sasuke’s left with a series of tumultuous emotions. He begins with shock and settles with anger a few days later when Shikamaru tells Sasuke Naruto only kissed him because Sakura dared Naruto to do so in exchange for ramen. Sasuke’s not angry at for Sakura proposing the dare. He’s angry at Naruto for being too foolhardy not to turn it down. Yet, the prevailing cause for Sasuke’s initial anger lies in why Naruto kissed him rather than the fact that Naruto had kissed him at all, and when Karin asks if Sasuke likes Naruto, Sasuke stiffens and forces himself to keep his eyes fixed on the screen.

The conscious realisation of the immediate response he doesn’t say surprises Sasuke. Completely baffles him that maybe there’s a smidgen of truth in Suigetsu’s past claims of the unresolved sexual tension between Sasuke and Naruto festering since elementary school that Sasuke pretends not to hear and Karin calls disgusting because she takes what Suigetsu says too literally.

He’ll admit to the faintest harbour of a crush or at least some kind of minuet attraction to Naruto simply because Naruto is there, has always been there, and maybe, Sasuke thinks, _will_ be there. However misleading, the ridiculously overbearing sentiment is more assuring than it has any right to be. It’s only a burgeoning notion when he’s eight, an unconceivable concept Sasuke doesn’t grasp then, but it becomes more of a certainty when Sasuke is seventeen and Kakashi disrupts Sasuke kissing Naruto in an empty classroom.

Snuffing out his cigarette in the glass ashtray on the table, Sasuke murmurs irritably about Suigetsu and Karin staring at him. They back off, Suigetsu shrugging and Karin making a noncommittal noise before delving back into whatever gossip is floating around their schools. Closing his eyes, Sasuke drowns out their conversation and rubs the heel of his right palm against his knee.

...

Naruto takes a job at the convenience store opposite of the direction where he lives, the one not down the street from the school. It’s an important distinction to make. After getting caught at the back of the other store by the owner, with his pants down and Sasuke on his knees on the verge of educating Naruto how very capable he is with his mouth, Naruto can’t ever show his face there again. It’s bad enough he has to pass the store on his way home and Sasuke gets this smug little expression if they happen to pass the store together.

Sasuke may still be able to enter the store with his head held high, but Naruto can’t without risking this thing called shame completely foreign to Sasuke, so Naruto’s just fine with his new job at the convenience store further away.

His manager is really nice, the pay is more than pretty decent for the amount of hours Naruto puts in, and the employee discount is a bonus that Naruto likes to advantage of.

He uses the discount on junk food, particularly the Pocky he likes to stock in the little cabinet he calls a pantry. The chocolate flavours are the best. Those are the flavours Naruto grew up on, the ones Iruka would buy for him. The fruity flavours are good, like orange or kiwi, and the mousse ones, too, but Naruto likes most of the varieties he’s tried so far.

His least favourite is strawberry, although over time pink boxes begin to pile in Naruto’s ever growing stash because strawberry is the only flavour Sasuke will eat aside from the yubari melon that’s only sold in Hokkaido. Not even the Pocky with the strawberry pieces in the coating, Sasuke will only touch the plain strawberry. If Sasuke notices the change whenever he takes it upon himself to go through Naruto’s pantry he doesn’t say anything, but it’s not exactly something Naruto minds.

He kind of likes the way Sasuke sucks on the sticks, taking forever to eat his food while Naruto finishes his in a few bites.

...

Naruto nags about Sasuke smoking, Sasuke nags about Naruto nagging him about smoking, and Naruto likes to end the pseudo argument with a seemingly innocuous smile, unabashedly conspicuous behind the ruse of one of those easygoing pecks on Sasuke’s lips Naruto has the habit of giving since the first one Sasuke remembers receiving on the train ride back to Odawara. 

...

His weekend trip to Nagoya is cancelled, the meeting postponed to next week, rescheduled in Tokyo, and Itachi returns home from the airport to the image of a naked Sasuke with an equally undressed Naruto lying on top of him.

On impulse, he wants nothing more than to forcibly remove Naruto from the house, to barricade Sasuke in his room if only to preserve the memory of his four year old brother that has yet to be replaced with the reality of the seventeen year old Sasuke in front of him. He doubts it will ever be but blames it on the perils inherent with being a father, a mother, and an older brother at once.

However, he does find some reprieve in knowing his brother well enough to see that despite Sasuke’s apparent nonchalance, his periodic glances at Naruto exposes how uncomfortable Sasuke is with Itachi stumbling upon him in such a compromised state.

Itachi’s aware of Sasuke’s become closer to Naruto, has been for a while since receiving a call from Kakashi, who opts to give parental advice concerning Sasuke and Naruto kissing in a classroom, but Itachi is remiss to admit the thought of Sasuke having sex with Naruto doesn’t occur before now. 

Sasuke’s relationship with Naruto is sporadic at best. They’re joined at the hip in elementary school, have to be pried apart from petty fights in junior high, and now, giving each other black eyes and broken noses apparently amounts to foreplay. If this is yet another phase, Itachi isn’t sure. He doesn’t know what to make of Sasuke’s sexuality, although he worries there’s somewhere he erred in Sasuke’s life for Sasuke to not come to him before experimenting with something like sex, that he’s at fault for assuming Sasuke would approach him first, but Itachi can only ascertain he isn’t as attentive to Sasuke as he wants to perceive himself to be.

On a level he doesn’t want to acknowledge, he feels burdened when their parents die. Itachi exceeds the responsibility laid bare by Kakashi and becomes the sole provider of everything he believes Sasuke needs. At thirteen, Itachi is a prodigy in his own right. He takes advantage of the opportunities presented before him and dedicates his future endeavours into raising Sasuke and making sure Sasuke is taken care of should anything happen.

He earns a master’s in economics by nineteen and immerses himself in the world of finance if only to quiet the whispers pervading the back of his mind that deem Itachi no better than their parents. But Itachi misses too much of his brother growing up in the process of trying to give Sasuke the life their parents couldn’t, and the delayed promises he makes to Sasuke, to spend time with Sasuke, the succession of laters that becomes years, have irrefutably come back to haunt him.

...

Itachi stands there, crosses his arms and leans against the doorway while he waits for Naruto and Sasuke to get dressed. Holding his hand over his crotch, Naruto shuffles around Sasuke’s room for his clothes. He picks up one sock from floor, the other from the desk, grabs Sasuke’s shirt by mistake, and doesn’t bother to look for his underwear because he’s grateful to find his pants first. He’s been caught kissing before, groping once or twice, but never has Naruto been caught having sex.

The experience is mortifying.

When Naruto and Sasuke are dressed, Itachi marches them downstairs, but Naruto tries not to think of it as the procession to his own funeral. Itachi sits them in the kitchen, right next to each other, and Naruto wonders if it’s possible for people to become instantaneously claustrophobic because there’s something terrifying about being seated while Itachi is standing and staring him down. In his peripheral, it’s only a few metres between Itachi and the door, a few seconds away if he grabs Sasuke and tries to make a run for it, but Naruto still feels trapped. His stomach is queasy, like he’s being put on trial, like Itachi already knows all the sexual acts Naruto’s committed with Sasuke and is simply waiting for Naruto incriminate himself.

He snaps to attention when Itachi asks how long Sasuke’s relationship with Naruto has been going on. Itachi’s voice is neutral, less menacing to Naruto’s ears, but it doesn’t make Naruto not want to hide behind Sasuke when he realises the question is directed at him.

If he hasn’t given Itachi a reason to dislike him before, Itachi definitely has one now, and Naruto stumbles on an answer that Sasuke stands by. There’s a saving grace somewhere, Naruto wants to think, overridden by the sharp look Itachi is giving him and the sweat gathering at the nape of Naruto’s neck.

But Naruto decides the odds are better if he throws his dignity out the window.

He doesn’t survive end of the year exams only to die by Itachi’s hand. He has one more year left. He’s close to completing high school, and he wants to graduate because Iruka’s looking forward to that day. He thinks of pleading with Itachi to at least let him finish his last year so Iruka can see him graduate, which also gives him more time to see Sasuke, but Itachi doesn’t needs to know it’s one of the reasons why Naruto wants to prolong his death. Even if Itachi tells Iruka about today, living another year is the alternative Naruto prefers.

Naruto flinches when Sasuke kicks him, momentarily forgetting the pain in his leg when Sasuke harshly tells him to stop thinking out loud. The composure Sasuke regains as they’re walking down the stairs breaks at the flush that appears on his face, spreading down to his neck, and Naruto’s really, really tempted to see how far the rest of it goes.

Sinking into his chair, Sasuke turns away, and Naruto recoils when Itachi is suddenly in front of him. There’s a subtle shift in the colour of Itachi's narrowed eyes, makes his pupils look sort of red, a trick of the light maybe, lack of sleep or—

Sasuke reaches out to cover Naruto’s mouth, and Naruto says a muffled thank you into Sasuke’s hand.

...

After Naruto leaves, Itachi looks at Sasuke strangely, with none of the shrewdness like he usually does, and Sasuke quirks his head at his brother’s unreadable expression. He chews on the black pen hanging precariously from the corner of his mouth. It’s the nice one that writes smoothly Sasuke can’t find in any store—the pen he borrows from Naruto without asking that supposedly denotes what Naruto refers to as an auspicious oral fixation—and Itachi’s gaze wavers.

There’s a slight opening between Itachi’s lips, as if he wants to say something but isn’t sure how to approach the topic, and the moment of veiled curiosity falters.

Sasuke waits for his brother to speak. He’s not in a hurry to instigate the conversation about sex they’ve never had because Itachi, although assertive when it comes to Sasuke’s general well being, is more passive about the issue of Sasuke growing up than Sasuke wants to admit.

Itachi sees Sasuke as his little brother in the most literal sense of the words, which Sasuke sometimes takes to mean their height. He’s almost as tall as Itachi, maybe a few centimetres shorter give or take Sasuke secretly feels he will never surpass, like some kind of physical metaphor that ensures Itachi can continue to look down on him. Itachi doesn’t have to say it, but it’s there, and Sasuke knows because he doesn’t necessarily discourage the notion. 

Since their parents’ death, the majority of Itachi’s life revolves around school and work, with whatever time he has left dedicated Sasuke. It doesn’t put too much of a strain on their relationship. They’re still close, just not as close as they used to be, but Sasuke hasn’t fully matured from the stubborn little boy Itachi sees him as, the little boy who selfishly commands his brother’s attention, and it’s the one thing Itachi can fault Sasuke for since Sasuke doesn’t help in dissuading that image. 

Sasuke as a sexual being is difficult for Itachi to digest. Likewise, it’s the same measure of difficulty posed for a younger Sasuke to accept the idea of people existing outside the realm of the world he composes solely of himself and Itachi when he’s introduced to the first in a long string of Itachi’s girlfriends. Mei, he remembers, with the long, auburn hair and dark lipstick that stains the cheek where she gives Sasuke a kiss after she calls him cute.

As far as Sasuke can tell, Itachi doesn’t know the extent of Sasuke’s sexual development apart from his relationship with Naruto. The interest in sex commences with puberty and builds from a combination of research, experience, and practicality when Sasuke spends a majority of the year before exploring the mechanics and intricacies of sex with Suigetsu, and, for a period of time, with Karin, too.

However, there’s a difference between Sasuke being sexually active and Itachi knowing Sasuke is sexually active, and the four year old refusing to let go of his brother’s shirt disappears when that line begins to blur.

...

They still have to go to school despite already taking their final exams, and Shikamaru says there’s some kind of post-coital glow the Monday after the Friday Naruto barely manages to escape from Sasuke’s house. Naruto corrects him by telling Shikamaru the glow is the result of living to see more than one tomorrow. Sakura takes the news in stride, turning the page of the book she’s reading while absently praising Naruto for taking this step with Sasuke because she’s truly as perverted as Naruto. Both Ino and Kiba claim it gag-worthy, in rare agreement and temporarily putting aside their differences to call a truce if only for the sake of making fun of Naruto.

Whatever it is between them, whatever it is that’s worth risking his life for, he and Sasuke are four months into it. They go from being good friends to on-and-off friends and end up throwing themselves into something that comes off really close to sounding like dating. In fact, being in this kind of relationship with Sasuke actually sounds a lot like dating.

It’s not that Naruto has a problem admitting he has an attraction to Sasuke or that the idea of dating Sasuke puts him off. It just doesn’t make sense because Naruto still can’t get over his fascination with breasts, and he grabs one of Sakura’s for purely systematic purposes to prove it. Horrified, she shrieks and tries to give Naruto a concussion with her book. Naruto crumples on the hard floor, tenderly nursing the back of his head where Sakura none too gently hit him. Even if they’re not going out anymore, Naruto doesn’t automatically think it equates to giving up his privileges.

In the spirit of preserving bad timing, Sasuke walks in the classroom and takes the seat he always takes. He sits beside Hinata, and she blushes when she looks at Naruto like she tends to do sometimes because the admiration Naruto won’t acknowledge she has for him hasn’t quite gone away. Hinata says something softly to Sasuke, wearing a pretty smile that doesn’t inspire the most confidence when Naruto sees the confusion appear on Sasuke’s face.

Sasuke looks at Naruto, takes in Naruto’s position on the floor and the book Sakura is still holding above Naruto’s head. He doesn’t say anything, but Naruto can see it in his eyes, the way Sasuke jumps to the conclusion that Naruto did something wrong even though Naruto personally believes it’s a delicate matter of perspective as to whether or not he’s truly at fault for whatever it is Hinata told Sasuke that Naruto did.

Needless to say, it takes a whole three days before Sasuke willingly speaks with Naruto again and another two before Naruto is able to grin into the feel of his lips pressed against Sasuke’s.

...

The next time Naruto invites himself over, two weeks after Itachi bars Sasuke from seeing him, Itachi pulls him aside and watches Naruto gulp with a perverse satisfaction that makes him feel better if not marginally less homicidal towards the boy he catches naked in Sasuke’s bed.

He envisions his father’s face, stern and unyielding, and tries to impart the fleeting memories upon his own expression. Naruto takes a breath, stands more erect. He squares his shoulders and nods. He doesn’t cower like Itachi expects him to, and there’s a distinct kind of grudging relief in the fact Naruto is resolute to show Itachi he won’t.

Naruto clears his throat, and Itachi let’s his eyes ease a bit when he hears Sasuke’s steps looming closer. The smile Sasuke gives Naruto is blinding, strays too close to the smile Sasuke reserves for Itachi alone, and Itachi becomes far too cognisant of the five year gap that continues to stretch between them.

...

Sasuke’s hand lingers around Naruto’s cock, fingers tickling the foreskin, and Naruto squirms beneath him because Sasuke’s not doing enough to keep him still. He groans at the light touches, the inconsistent contact that doesn’t provide the kind of brutal friction he wants.

He’s so close to being there. Right there. Almost there if he raises his hips a little bit more, presses back when Sasuke’s fingers go near that spot again, would have already been there if it wasn’t so hard not to rock into the touches when Sasuke is that close. He doesn’t care if the walls in his apartment are too thin, doesn’t care about how the squeaking from the cheap bed frame keeps getting louder the more he keeps moving. His fingers are digging through the sheets, feel like they’re puncturing holes in the mattress, and Naruto just needs—

The tip of his cock goes into Sasuke’s mouth, on the verge of sinking into something warm and moist, and Naruto grabs Sasuke’s hair, holding Sasuke’s head in place to keep himself from pushing inside with one thrust.

The things Sasuke can do with his mouth. Naruto knows the things Sasuke can do with his mouth. They’re good things, really good things, which Naruto knows because Sasuke’s done them before, and he wants Sasuke to do those things again.

Preferably now.

Taking his sweet time, Sasuke tilts his head to the side, lets his teeth graze against Naruto’s shaft. He peers at Naruto with lowered lids, silently challenging Naruto to do anything other than watch. Naruto bucks in anticipation when Sasuke’s mouth starts to move down. Sasuke balances himself with a hand on Naruto’s inner thigh, and his head bobs slowly, gradually applying a bit more pressure, little by little and not anywhere near enough to feel satisfying. Naruto wants to tell Sasuke to just take it all in, wants Sasuke to go easy on him even though he knows the payoff later is worth what Sasuke is putting him through now, but then Sasuke fucking stops moving.

Naruto doesn’t think he’s that out of it, not yet. It’s hard to tell trying to crane his neck to look down while he’s flat on his back, but he swears Sasuke is smirking, swears that bastard is enjoying this way too much, and when he sees his cock disappear into Sasuke’s mouth, Naruto can’t hold it in anymore.

Sasuke’s mouth pulls away with a resounding pop, and Naruto lets his head fall back on the pillow. His resilience against Sasuke is usually stronger than this, most of the time, but giving in isn’t the worst thing he can do.

With a snort, Sasuke crawls on top of Naruto and grabs Naruto’s wrists, pushes them above Naruto’s head. He leans down to kiss him, and Naruto makes a gagging noise when Sasuke draws back. The taste of his own come is disgusting, bitter like lime residue or something like that, even when it’s mixed with Sasuke’s saliva.

Rolling his hips, Sasuke alleges it’s Naruto’s fault for coming too early and not giving him any warning.

A raspy sound escapes him, and Naruto shudders. It’s the good kind of shudder that goes all the way down to his toes, gets him hard again, makes his body jolt when he raises his pelvis to meet Sasuke halfway.

Sasuke gasps and drops his head, hair falling over his eyes. His fingers find Naruto’s palms, nails scraping against the skin until they find their way in between Naruto’s fingers. He’s panting hard, suppressing the sounds Naruto wants to hear, and Naruto picks up a steady pace as he goes faster.

It’s more than Sasuke hovering over him, clad only in one of Naruto’s shirts with the sleeve falling off his shoulder. The shirt Naruto wants to take off because he wants to see more of Sasuke, needs to feel more of Sasuke, not just this skin slapping against skin. All he can think of is Sasuke— _Sasuke_ —and Naruto growls at the noises Sasuke makes, the low moans that come at every other thrust.

He swallows when Sasuke falls on top of him, just breathes when Sasuke buries his head in the space above his shoulder. Sasuke’s still grinding against him, trembling, and his hips follow a slow, circular motion.

When Sasuke’s hands squeeze his, Naruto feels stupid, so incredibly stupid because Sasuke is the only coherent thing he can say, the only word he knows for the time being, and it’s the incredibly blissful kind of stupid that’s obvious on Naruto’s face when Sasuke whispers his name.

...

Sasuke’s birthday falls on a Saturday, and the Friday after school, Naruto manages to convince Sasuke into helping him study for the Japanese grammar test they’re supposed to take the following Tuesday.

Sasuke goes home to change out of his uniform before meeting Naruto at his apartment. When Naruto opens the door, he pulls Sasuke inside with the enthusiasm of the kid he’s too old to be that Sasuke doubts Naruto will outgrow.

Sasuke can see the entirety of the apartment from threshold and heads straight for the couch. He takes a seat and sets his bag on the floor, next to the uneven coffee table Naruto sometimes uses as a desk.

Naruto tells Sasuke to close his eyes as Sasuke reaches to open his bag. Sasuke asks why, but Naruto covers Sasuke’s eyes for him. Naruto tells Sasuke to keep them closed after he removes his hands and whispers that’s he’ll be right back. 

Impatient, Sasuke sighs but complies. He hears the sound of the refrigerator open and closing, not sure what Naruto is trying to do.

When Naruto tells Sasuke to open his eyes, a plate of onigiri and a bottle of tamari are placed on the lopsided table, accompanied by Naruto’s equally lopsided and hesitant smile. It’s as far from ramen and eggs as it gets and actually looks like it passes for edible.

Naruto sheepishly admits to getting up early to make the rice balls, jokingly adding that he bought the soy sauce. He tells Sasuke to just go with it, to roll the dice with this one. Naruto already knows Sasuke doesn’t do this kind of thing, and Sasuke stems the urge to remind him because, for once, Naruto looks painfully shy.

He reminds Naruto they’re supposed to be studying, and Naruto nods in agreement and says it’s not a date, explaining he’d want to go see a movie or go to a restaurant if this was a date.

He continues to ramble about not being able to afford what Sasuke already has even though he has a job now, that’s why it means more to make the food himself, but it shouldn’t matter anyway, and Sasuke takes one of the onigiri and places it in Naruto’s mouth. Grains of rice stick to Naruto’s upper lip, and Sasuke mumbles about the food becoming stale in response to Naruto’s questioning look.

Naruto doesn’t stop staring so Sasuke picks up a rice ball and takes a small bite. By the wide smile on Naruto’s face, the gesture is the equivalent of Sasuke saying thank you, which is also some half hazard invitation for a make-out session that results in Sasuke his hitting his head on the arm of the couch and a profusely apologetic Naruto that Sasuke eventually shuts up with a well forced tug and a kiss.

It’s just onigiri. Onigiri with toasted black sesame seeds sprinkled on top that falls apart but still tastes good dipped in tamari, it’s the simple kind of food Sasuke likes even though Naruto thinks it makes Sasuke an old man.

Wiping the soy sauce from his fingers, Sasuke chews on the remnants of the last rice ball and looks warily at Naruto pulling the remote control hidden beneath a cushion. With a grin, Naruto turns on the TV and hits the play button for the DVD player. He scoots next to Sasuke, moving closer every time Sasuke moves away until Sasuke’s squished between Naruto and the armrest.

Sasuke tells himself Naruto hasn’t conned him into not cuddling on the couch in the middle of the study session that’s not a date.

Instead, Naruto is sprawled on top of him, trapping Sasuke on the piece of furniture that provides more than ample space to seat two people comfortably while they watch Limit of Love, the sequel to the Umizaru movie based on the drama series Naruto likes. In spite of the title, which Sasuke decides is sappy enough to merit burning the movie without having to read the back of the DVD cover, the focus expands beyond the romantic tones between two of the main characters, but Sasuke loses what interest he feigns to have within twenty minutes.

He dozes off on Naruto’s shoulder. Near the end of the movie, Sasuke eyes are closed yet the attempt to end his misery is hindered by Naruto’s inability to remain stationary. Naruto’s crying, not quite yelling about the importance of never giving up at Senzaki and Testuya while shaking Sasuke and sprouting nonsensical scenarios about what could happen if he and Sasuke ever joined the Coast Guard.

By the time the credits appear on the screen, Sasuke feels somewhat lightheaded. Naruto warns Sasuke not to tell anyone they know about how worked up he got over a movie and wraps his arms around Sasuke’s waist, conveniently forgetting everyone already knows how emotional he is over movies because Naruto’s always been that way. He starts sniffing again and wipes his face across Sasuke’s chest. Cringing at the snot on his shirt, Sasuke tells Naruto to get off, but Naruto’s tightens his hold each time Sasuke tries to shove him on the floor.

...

Because he has a track record of not being able not to, Naruto accepts a dare to wear one of Ino’s old sundresses and enter the Kawasaki Halloween Parade. It’s bright and frilly and every kind of girly adjective imaginable, but even if the material once manages to somehow constrain Ino’s breasts, the yellow and pink dress feels too tight over the expanse of his chest.

Ino gives Naruto a critical onceover, thinks it could have worked, maybe before Naruto had time to grow into his body. Sakura shakes her head and reasons Naruto’s legs have always been too hairy to pull off something like this. Kiba tells Naruto it’s one of the most disturbing sights he’s had the misfortune of being exposed to, including walking in on Naruto kissing Sasuke, and agrees when Shikamaru says calling it unappealing would be a vast understatement.

Essentially, he’s a guy in a dress that doesn’t fit, and okay, there’s a breeze down there Naruto’s not trying to get used to, but it is easier to pee without the hassle of having to pull his pants down, which isn’t as ridiculous as Sasuke says it is since it saves a lot of time if Naruto really has to go. He doesn’t think it’s that bad, though. The two tickets Ino gives him after the parade, Naruto’s going to surprise Sasuke with those tomorrow because, yeah, being able to take Sasuke to a Bump of Chicken concert totally makes up for the humiliation of wearing a dress.

...

When Naruto asks whether Sasuke prefers guys to girls, Sasuke says he’s assuredly gay like Naruto is unequivocally straight. He’s generous in not bringing up how much Naruto likes playing with another guy’s nipples, mostly due to not wanting to speculate what that insinuates about how Naruto sees him, but Sasuke surmises sex with a grand total of three people isn’t enough to say he has a preference.

Naruto admits he’s asking because he’s never even thought about having sex with a guy before Sasuke and chews on his bottom lip when Sasuke admits he’s only had sex with Suigetsu and Karin before Naruto.

There’s a palpable unease between them, the same kind of tension Sasuke sometimes feels when he thinks about the closeness Naruto maintains with Sakura. It breaks when Naruto laughs and points out he’s had sex with more people, not by that much yet still more than Sasuke, but the idea of comparing sexual conquests isn’t even remotely funny.

Sasuke calls Naruto an idiotic jackass, and his fist moves before he’s aware of what he’s doing. He punches Naruto in the face, hard enough that his knuckles still ache long after Naruto falls on the floor and he slams the door to Naruto’s apartment.

...

With the aim of being as inconspicuous as possible, Naruto slowly lifts the side of the curtain, peeks through the window without completely exposing his head, and flies back against the wall when Creepy Freakishly-Tall-Guy-With-Blue-Hair glances up.

Naruto likes to think he’s mindful of how he behaves around Sasuke whenever Itachi is around and knows better than to let his guard down whenever Itachi isn’t around. He wants to live through the summer break and begin the next school year in one piece. It’s called survival instinct, he tells Sasuke. It’s not a product of Naruto’s tendency to exaggerate because there’s clearly someone lurking outside his apartment, in broad daylight no less, but Sasuke glowers at Naruto for interrupting one of the occasional afternoon naps he sometimes happens to take in Naruto’s bed and accuses Naruto of being paranoid.

Of course, Sasuke doesn’t get it. Itachi doesn’t engage Sasuke in those unfair staring contests that are really just excuses to glare someone into submission, those one-sided conversations where no words need to be said for a threat to be a made. Sasuke doesn’t see that side of his brother, who dotes on Sasuke more than Naruto would probably deem healthy, and Naruto’s pressing his luck enough as it is by associating with Sasuke beyond the sanctity of school grounds or in a place where Itachi can keep an eye on them.

It’s not that Itachi doesn’t trust Sasuke. He doesn’t trust Naruto, and it’s not a coincidence this kind of thing happens when Sasuke visits. It can’t be. He even tells Sasuke about the time he sees Karin’s older brother, Sasori, by his apartment, but Sasuke brushes it off because he’s sadly too naïve to believe Itachi doesn’t have a life aside from intimidating Naruto.

...

Sasuke wears glasses for reading since he’s farsighted and dwindling eyesight is a hereditary trait unfortunately inherited from both sides of his family. Naruto first calls him a dork, but then thinks it’s cute, and develops a fixation with them that’s almost as bad as the quasi exhibitionist tendencies Naruto claims Sasuke has but Sasuke fervently denies.

They’re plain glasses. Dark rectangular frames that go well with his eyes, or so Naruto says. Sasuke doesn’t see anything special about them, but Naruto likes to take them off and put them back on in a way that’s become a hazy ritual whenever Sasuke doesn’t object and push Naruto away.

...

It’s not supposed to be like this, he thinks. It’s supposed to be perfect, supposed to be _right_ , that mind-blowing instant when everything clicks into place. Except it ends up being everything Naruto doesn’t want it to be.

It’s awkward and messy, and Sasuke says it hurts even though it’s the kind of good Naruto’s never felt before that he wants to feel over and over again. Eyes shut tight, Sasuke winces and urges Naruto to keep going. He’s done this before, he says, but Naruto doesn’t want to think about the tightness in his chest and the fact that he’s the one who’s never done this before. 

The sheets still smell like sex after Naruto changes them while Sasuke takes a shower. The condom from the pack he’s embarrassed to buy, Naruto throws it in the trash with a pervading sense of disappointment he can’t unravel from the guilt.

He takes a shower and puts on clean clothes, slips back underneath the sheets, and lies with Sasuke in the narrow bed. Sasuke is turned away, back facing Naruto, and Naruto stills at the sound of Sasuke’s breathing. Sasuke pulls away from Naruto’s touch when he’s awake, so Naruto waits until Sasuke pretends to be asleep and murmurs another apology against the back of Sasuke’s neck that’s painfully silent in the too small room of Naruto’s tiny apartment.

...

Sometimes, Sasuke thinks Naruto is too much. He’s a stranger determined not to be. Among the distorted faces of the people who leave Sasuke behind, Naruto’s still there, and some part of Sasuke begins to believe Naruto won’t change, won’t become someone he doesn’t know because Sasuke’s become dependent on Naruto for stability like he doesn’t want to admit he’s been dependent on Itachi for as long as he can remember, and the thought of being complacent in a relationship with someone other than his brother unnerves him. 

...

Six months after he gets the summer job at the convenience store not by the school, Naruto blows the too shrill horn of his brand new used motorbike outside of Sasuke’s house at 5:53.

He wonders if the freshly laminated card in his wallet would somehow still feel warm if he touches it, but Naruto can’t separate the excitement of finally getting his licence from the excitement of wanting to take Sasuke for a test drive. He starts blowing the horn repeatedly, immediately ceasing when Sasuke yells out the upstairs window how he’s going to emasculate Naruto if Naruto does it one more time.

Naruto replies with a wide grin he’s convinced Sasuke’s only pretending to resist. He knows better than to take Sasuke seriously and is too eager not to make the high-pitched beep again in spite of Sasuke’s protests. Ignoring Sasuke complaining about it being a school night, Naruto shouts for Sasuke to come down before it gets too late.

Sasuke glares at Naruto with a pinched expression Naruto can recognise despite their distance and shuts the window to his room.

Naruto turns the key in the ignition and walks his bike into the narrow driveway where Itachi’s car is usually parked. Aside from wanting to brag about his bike, the missing car is the main reason Naruto summons the courage to bother Sasuke. Itachi isn’t here, thankfully preoccupied with work-related stuff that makes it easier for Naruto to approach Sasuke without the threat of being dismembered hanging over his head like some kind of imminent doom. It’s true that Sasuke threatens to do it on a regular basis, picking a different body part and finding newer and more creative ways each week to inflict bodily harm on Naruto. However, Naruto likes to think of it as a form of endearment and knows the possibility of actually being harmed is more likely to occur in Itachi’s presence and not Sasuke’s.

When he opens the door, Sasuke continues to complain about having better things to do than indulging Naruto and getting kicked out of the neighbourhood, pausing mid-rant when he takes a good look at Naruto’s bike. It’s a scooter that seats two, the closest Naruto can legally get to an actual motorcycle because he’s only sixteen, but he settles with just calling it a bike because saying bike sounds way cooler than saying scooter even if a scooter is more practical than the car Naruto won’t be able to afford when he’s eighteen.

It’s an unforgiving shade of orange. Ostentatious, Sasuke says when he stops looking at Naruto like Naruto’s lost his mind. The original dulled grey and black doesn’t suit Naruto, and spending extra money on the paintjob is so much more worth it for the look on Sasuke’s face alone.

The bike is only a year old but was still well within the lower side of Naruto’s price range. Yamato, the tenant below him Naruto gets the bike from, is a good friend of Iruka and sells the bike for much less than Naruto could have hoped for. It’s like a birthday present two months early, like the two new helmets Iruka buys for him as a gift. And while Iruka says he’s proud of Naruto for trying to assert his independence, Naruto doesn’t miss the implication of Iruka buying him more than one helmet.

The street light flickers on Sasuke’s face but doesn’t hide the slight pull at the corner of Sasuke’s mouth. He says the bike reminds him of one of those Vespa scooters from Italy, and Naruto fights to refrain from comparing his bike to Itachi’s expensive Italian car. 

Instead, he pats the seat behind him and tells Sasuke to hop on, extending the dark blue helmet in his arms for Sasuke to take. Sasuke looks hard pressed to accept even though he shrugs on the jacket he brings with him and locks the door before taking the helmet from Naruto.

He climbs on the bike, placing his arms around Naruto’s waist when the bike jerks beneath the added weight. Naruto teases Sasuke about liking fast trains and not being able to handle a slow bike but tells Sasuke to hold on anyway. Tense as he leans against Naruto, Sasuke snorts and mumbles for Naruto shut up and go before he changes his mind. There’s a low rumble, a kind of purr after Naruto revs the engine, and Naruto laughs as Sasuke squeezes his torso a little tighter when they take off.

The maximum speed limit is 30 kilometres per hour, but Naruto doesn’t let the speedometer hit over 25. Barely able to feel a slight breeze on his face, he’s going too slow to make his jacket flap in the wind like he imagines it will when he gets the motorcycle he really wants one day. 

Still, if it’s only for this instance, even riding at a speed it seems like he can outrun, there’s a sensation he doesn’t want to go away when Sasuke eventually relaxes against his back, and suddenly, Naruto feels like he’s flying.


End file.
